This is not my ceiling
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
