he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
