please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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