but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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