someone threw a dead crab at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
