I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
