drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
NoShamevember. You game?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
