It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Randomize
