fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
