Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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