I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
