Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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