Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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