I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had sex on a roof
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
