I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
