My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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