I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
