Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
