His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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