You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
