i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
