Already got asked if we're dating
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
