If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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