The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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