It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
