it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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