Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
