Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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