The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Alive.
So much puke
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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