Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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