We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
