I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
