worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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