I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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