I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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