I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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