Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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