oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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