you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
