I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
