I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
