We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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