why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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