Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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