maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
