this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
