you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
