If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
