Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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