She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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