she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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